It was the year 2013...
As I sat in the courtroom, waiting for the judge to rule on my case, I looked over at my attorney with apprehension and expectation.
It had been 3 years since they arrested me on charges of raping my scholars. Since that time, I had gone through months of depression, anger, bitterness, rage, and the like.
When my attorney first told me that it would be more than a year before my name would be cleared, I nearly died inside. It simply made no sense to me why anyone's life would be on hold, especially when that person spent her entire life "living by the book."
But this was the day I had been waiting for.
When the judge called upon the prosecutor to give his recommendations about my case, she was stunned.
He no longer wanted to pursue this matter and agreed with our request to have the charges and case dismissed.
And just like that, the case was over!
That moment happened just like I remember my lawyer saying it: "It will be like the situation never occurred."
It's now 2019, exactly six years since my last day in that courtroom. That phase of my life was arguably the most stressful and life-altering moment; and yet had I known back then that those experiences were preparing me for the future ministry I have today, I would have gladly welcomed each trial.
Quite often, when Abba is preparing His children for greatness, He takes us through situations that would seem to kill us. He did it with Joseph; He did it with David; He did it with Esther; and He did it with Yeshua.
And through each experience, for those who maintained what little faith they had through the trials, the Holy Spirit empowered them to be agents of change.
You, Beloved Sister, are no different; and in this empowering post, I want to teach you how you will emerge as an agent of change even if your world has completely crashed.
In order to produce fruit, the seed must first die
Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal. (John 12:24-25 MSG)
Isn't it interesting that throughout Yeshua's entire ministry, He readily spoke of death as being the only way to achieve true life?
In John 12, He taught the people a valuable lesson: He said unless the seed dies in the ground, it remains just that: a seed. But if it is buried, once it dies, it will produce fruit for others to enjoy.
Back in January 2018, I launched the official version of my virtual ministry, FKMinistries, with the mission of equipping God's people to engage in this end-time revival and national reformation using the written and spoken word. I had been seeking the Lord earnestly since 2016, asking Him to prove to me how this revival would be greater than the ones I read about in times past.
I wanted to see this thing manifested in my lifetime; and the more I pressed into this topic, the more the Holy Spirit revealed this revival would look differently than the others. Instead of us watching a few folks in the Body of Christ operating in this great measure, it would be millions of us putting our hand to the plow.
But in order for even the "least of us" to function in such great power, we would need to be prepared for this work of ministry.
From that time forth, the Holy Spirit began showing me how my own experiences (and the lessons learned) would be used to empower other people, particularly women. He showed me that this level of ministry and impact I would have would not have manifested had I not endured the trials and hardships I encountered.
In fact, the Holy Spirit not only revealed this to me, but He also sent an unfamiliar prophet my way to speak a similar word.
Allow me to give you some background to this story:
At the time Daniel and I connected, I was living comfortably in my "cave" in Elk Grove, CA. Aaliyah and I built a new life and a new community in this beautiful subdivision with other families. I was focused on doing ghostwriting and book publishing for clients, and wanted absolutely nothing to do with ministry again. (I had been serving in my father's ministry since I was eleven.)
The Holy Spirit was quite patient with me during this time; but there came a moment when He said to me, "Felecia, where is your message?" He was calling me out and demanding that I give account for the vow I made to Him back in 2010.
At the time, I still struggled with my scandalous story. The last thing I wanted to do was launch something that would throw my name in the public eye again. But I couldn't resist the prodding.
Unbeknownst to me, the Holy Spirit then sent Daniel my way, not as a prophet, but as a writing coach client through Upwork.com, because this is how He could capture my attention! While I simply wanted to help Daniel complete a book, the Holy Spirit told him to give me that message.
That's when I knew I had to do more. It was time; and in January 2018, I officially launched FKMinistries.org. From that time forward, my influence and ministry began attracting people across the nation. On my social media platforms, the messages I delivered began reaching hundreds of thousands of people.
From conservative politics to book publishing to prophetic ministry...more people began recognizing the gifts inside me. (One thing to keep in mind: When people come searching for you, understand they are looking for the gift and how it can empower them.)
In 2018, I also experienced personal growth and fulfillment. Whereas I thought my ministry would expand in Sacramento, CA, the Holy Spirit pulled me in the direction of Atlanta, GA. (That's another story for another teaching.)
But the manifestation of my ministry wouldn't have been possible had I not gone through the purging of the previous years. I learned, even amidst all the turmoil and pain, that the only way I could produce fruit was when I first began to die to myself.
I am crucified with Christ
What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn’t work. So I quit being a 'law man' so that I could be God’s man. Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not 'mine,' but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. (Galatians 2:19-20 MSG)
Self-righteousness is a dangerous characteristic to have. It has a funny way of manifesting itself when we are pressed on all sides. For those of us who live by faith and who continue abiding "by the book," we assume our good works are enough to keep us from destruction.
I remember thoughts running through my head during those years of what I call my "7-year tribulation:"
Job found himself in the same predicament. He constantly questioned why the Almighty would suffer him to destruction, especially when the Bible called Job a "blameless man," "honest inside and out, a man of his word, who was totally devoted to God and hated evil with a passion" (Job 1:1 MSG).
Yet, despite all his good deeds, calamity hit his home. To those on the outside, such destruction was a sign that Job had truly sinned against God.
My spirit is broken,
Perhaps you've felt the same way before.
You've questioned why anyone would do you harm, especially when you've sown seeds of blessings and peace. Why would anyone want to destroy your life, your career, and your future, especially when you've been so kind and giving to others?
These were my thoughts back then; and what I learned is that no amount of good works can ever prevent a person from experiencing turmoil. In fact, our good works aren't even enough to please God.
The Scriptures are clear: it is our FAITH that pleases and honors the Lord -- our unrelenting devotion and dependence on Him for our entire being.
Job's faith is what made him righteous, not his good works.
It was my faith in God, believing that He would not let me be put to shame for trusting Him, that kept me in right standing with Him.
It isn't until we have learned to die to ourselves, or as Paul illustrated, to become crucified with Christ, that we discover a God-filled life where anything is possible.
This was an especially difficult lesson for me to learn. While the Holy Spirit had previously shown me that my influence would spread across the nation and be known by the multitudes, He did not tell me about this period in which I would lose everything.
He did not explain to me the magnitude of opposition and oppression I would encounter. Yet, having gone through it, I can come away with these truths:
In other words, if the Holy Spirit has conveyed to you the scope of your ministry, understand that a death must take place before you are brought into the fullness of your calling.
We must do as Paul did and crucify ourselves with Christ. Our egos, our accolades, our prestige...they do not trump our greatest calling, which is to be a daughter of God and an agent of change in the earth. All the education and experience we acquire is to sharpen our gifts; but ultimately the power to operate in such a high calling must come, not by our might, but by His Spirit.
When our followings see us, they need to see Christ fully formed through us, especially as leaders, ministers, and influencers.
Notice that the complete fulfillment of Christ's mission was not manifested until AFTER He died. There was no eternal healing or salvation until AFTER His crucifixion.
The same principle applies to us.
No one follows people with squeaky-clean records...including you!
In this hour, people are looking for influencers who will show them -- not just tell them -- how to thrive. They are looking for people who have gone through hell and have emerged unscathed.
No one follows people with squeaky-clean records, not even us as Believers.
Consider Yeshua's ministry:
Some people could easily call Him a renegade or rebel. He went against the established order. He defied the traditions of men. He was born of a woman who claimed to be a virgin. Yeshua's story is shrouded in controversy and scandal, and yet, He is the Son of God! His name and ministry continue to spread around the world.
This is a lesson we must also consider.
It doesn't matter, Beloved, if you've done something to another person or if something was done to you. Christ has made you a new person. He has qualified you to do a work based on your faith in Him.
The questions you need to answer, then, are: What are you called to do? Who are you called to minister to?
In my area of ministry, I focus exclusively on "the least of these." In other words, I don't work with people who have never gone through experiences that have shamed or humiliated them. I don't work with clients or enroll students who believe they have it altogether.
I'm looking for genuine women who have been bruised, battered, rejected, despised, and humiliated. Why? Because my life's experience gave me a clear indication of the people I was called to serve. As Prophet Daniel explained in the message, I have been "authorized" to speak into the lives of such people.
Consider Joseph and his world-renown influence. This man was charged with rape! His brothers attempted to kill him. His father scorned his dream. Worse yet: he was imprisoned for a crime he never committed, despite being one of God's agents of change.
When the time came for his national influence, it didn't happen the way Joseph expected. It didn't happen based on societal norms. It happened at a time when the nation needed leadership and a solution, and Joseph was the only person capable of delivering and managing a system that would save their world.
Joseph's controversial story was enough to completely dismiss his influence; and in today's world, this is what people try to do with those of us whose stories are too scandalous for the general public to handle.
The traditions of men cause us to believe that God will only use those who never broke the law, who have never sinned, who have never done something or had something done to them.
But no one follows leaders or influencers like that. People follow those who carry solutions and answers, people who know what it means to rely on a greater power to accomplish impossible feats. People are especially impressed when they see such leaders who have gone through hell and emerged victorious.
That's a true testament to the power of the Holy Spirit; and this is why you should NEVER feel shame for the situations ABBA has brought you through.
Yahweh has qualified you to be an agent of change.
Agents of change must know how to relate to the people they are called to serve
The longer you remain with my virtual ministry, the more you will hear me make this statement: The experiences we encountered are often a clear indication of the people to whom we are called to minister.
The only way you will impact your sphere of influence is when your sphere recognizes itself in you.
I'm not saying you have to imitate the world and take on its mannerism.
What I'm saying is if you've gone through a divorce, for example, and you emerged from that situation with your head on straight, then you ought to use your story to help the next woman going through that.
Or if you've been incarcerated and you managed to build a new life in spite of society shaming you, then you ought to create something that will help a fellow sister overcome that challenge.
My experience with the criminal justice system ignited this resolve in me to take action on behalf of educators in the public school system at the federal level.
My experience dealing with the Body of Christ while going through my criminal case gave me the desire to empower women to use their stories and turn them into ministries of deliverance.
You see...your story most often doesn't belong to you. It belongs to someone else who can use the principles you learned to apply them to their own circumstances.
During my tribulation, the following stories ministered to me greatly:
Had these events not been recorded for me, I would have surely lost my mind and died. Witnessing their own form of "death, burial, and resurrection" gave me the confidence I needed to know that I, too, would experience my own "resurrection."
This is why when I coach women today, I want to know their scandalous stories. I don't want to hear about how they did everything by the book and now their life is wonderful.
I don't want to hear that!
I want to know that story they are too afraid to expose. I want to pull that out of them so they eventually break free from the guilt and condemnation; and then I want to take them through the journey of using that story to bring deliverance to others.
This is what will spark revival and reformation in our communities and nation. Why? Because the people who have been forgiven of much, love much. The people who know their God will be the ones who do great wonders in the earth.
And the women God has specifically anointed to carry out exploits that others have rejected, He will use those with the worst stories to accomplish His tasks. Why? Because He can trust them, knowing that they will always remind others that this work is the Lord's doing.
Stop rejecting the storm and start standing in its eye
Too often, when we experience our trial or tribulation, we immediately want the Holy Spirit to deliver us from our pain.
That's a natural reaction and something young Believers might experience, because they are still learning.
But when it comes to ministry, influence, and leadership, the Holy Spirit will keep us in our storms until we acquire the lessons needed to purge us.
I like the way the writer explained this in Hebrews:
In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?
Beloved, stop asking Yeshua to take this storm away from you. Stop begging the Holy Spirit to remove "this thorn" from your side.
You're on another level, a higher level, and this level requires a degree of leadership training that can only manifest through pressure.
Do you think I acquired my national influence and this revelation knowledge when everything was going well for me? Certainly not! It was during my darkest hours that the Spirit of the Lord gave me what you witness today. And this is what I purpose to train you in as a new minister.
When it comes to pure, raw ministry -- the kind that will revolutionize the culture -- you must have stamina. You must be fully reliant on the Holy Spirit. There is absolutely no room for self-righteousness. You simply cannot reach the heights of influence on your own.
With all the education I've acquired; all the degrees I own; all the years of experience I have, NOTHING has prepared me for national ministry more than the hell I endured between 2010-2017. Had the Holy Spirit taken me out of that "tribulation," FKMinistries would not be here today.
And this is the message I want to leave you with, Beloved Sister: Your hardships are not sent to destroy you. Even if they come from the enemy, the Holy Spirit has already empowered and equipped you to handle it. You may not recognize it right now, but the power is there.
This power you have is not to remove you from your training.
It's there to preserve you in the fire so you are never burned. It's there to protect you while you're being purged. This power is in you so that you essentially become fully alive to Christ.
As you go through your storm, stay in the storm's eye. In other words, don't focus your attention on everything that's crumbling. Every kingdom will be shaken around you, and only the Kingdom of God will remain.
Stay in the eye of the storm. Listen attentively to every instruction you receive while there. Record every vision the Holy Spirit downloads to you, because once the storm ceases, that's when you will be asked to carry out the EXACT assignment you've been commissioned to complete.
Beloved, you can do this, and I want to help you along this journey. Come join me and my team of coaches as we work with women in the Body of Christ to help each one function in her grace using her God-given weapons to bring deliverance to others.
Join Us Inside The Holy Ghost and You Ministry, Located in FKMinistries, and Receive Powerful Teachings from Our Ministry's Coaches
The Holy Ghost and You is a branch of FKMinistries, whose mission is to train and equip women to build powerful virtual ministries that bring deliverance and healing to others using their stories. Our ministry focuses on women who were despised, rejected, humiliated, and scorned; and we empower them to walk in virtue, health, strength, and might.
As a member of FKMinistries and a partner in The Holy Ghost and You Movement, you will connect with other dynamic women of faith. You will also learn:
About Felecia Killings
Felecia Killings is an award-winning coach, speaker, trainer, and book-publishing expert. She is the Founder of FKMinistries, a virtual church that equips today's Believers to engage in this end-time revival and national reformation using the written and spoken word.
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