Growing up, Sister was my best-friend.
It wasn't always like that, especially because she is the younger one; but around our junior high school/high school years, we were unbreakable.
We shared a common bond, not just a blood one. And our experiences as Pastor's daughters made us closer.
Back home, whenever you saw one of us, you saw the other. If you bumped into Sister at the store and did not see me with her, you would instantly ask, "Where's Felecia?"
That's how tight we were.
But by my college years, our relationship started to break. I met new friends, focused on my education and career, and attempted to build new success economically.
Yet, while preparing for my own future, Sister was dealing with internal struggles due to our parents' divorce. I tried being there for her, but because we viewed our parents' separation differently, I simply could not relate to her.
Growing up, I did not have a good relationship with my birth mother, so the divorce was relief for me. But to Sister, it was pure devastation.
After graduating from grad school, I started working for the Fairfield-Suisun Unified School District. My teaching career took off rapidly. But Sister continued struggling emotionally and relationally.
And when I found out my little Sister was pregnant right after high school, I was hurt because she didn't tell me herself.
But in the midst of that hurt, I still had to be Big Sister. So, when she needed something, I had to help her. When my niece was born, I fell absolutely in love with that tiny human, and this new creature established a new bond between me and Sister.
But four years later, that all fell through the cracks. During that time, I was dealing with a hostile school administration. I told them about students threatening me, but I received no support. This led to my student's assault, which resulted in my false arrest, a story I chronicled in my memoir, To My Beloveds.
While enduring that hell, Sister became a "Big Sister" to me. Perhaps it was the common bond of two scandalous stories becoming public that united us again.
Whatever the reason, I found myself in need of my Sister. This moment created another thread in our tapestry.
But then that bond broke as we both ventured into new romantic relationships.
By the time I became a mother, Sister and I were threw with each other once again.
I hated her husband and she hated mine. We both loved each other's daughters, but could not stand each other's unions. Being ever loyal to our "submissive wife" roles, we chose our mates over our sisterhood.
Yet, our father always taught us, "Never let anyone come between you both, not even a man."
Unfortunately, we didn't hold fast to that teaching until it was too late. Had we listened and obeyed, we would have avoided a lot of abuse in our romantic relationships.
When I finally decided to leave my tumultuous situation, I started rebuilding my life. I separated entirely from my family and moved to Sacramento with no home, no job, no car, no family or friends. Just me, the Girl (who was a toddler at the time), and the Holy Spirit.
And I thrived.
Each day, the Holy Spirit worked with me internally. He gave me a new vision, which is The Felecia Killings Foundation of today. I built a new life, one based on communal living empowerment. I started working with other women to help them use their stories to bring deliverance to others.
But as the Holy Spirit continued empowering me to help other women, He would also urge me to reconcile with Sister. Dream after dream, He delivered a message, telling me to call her or to reach out.
But I rejected His instructions because I could not handle another fight with Sister. I felt we were broken beyond repair.
In one of my dreams, Dad called me while I was living in Atlanta. He said, "You need to come back home. One of your family members is in the hospital."
So, I rushed home, went to that hospital, and saw Dad standing in front of a door.
I asked, "Who's in there?"
He replied, "Your sister." I looked at him angrily, and immediately turned away and flew back to my new state.
In that dream, I could see Sister heart-broken because I wouldn't come into the room to see her.
When I woke from the dream, I knew the Holy Spirit was talking. I know how He communicates with me. But I still refused to call.
It wasn't until January 2021 when Dad made another attempt to get me to speak with Sister (in waking life). I resisted as much as possible, but I finally gave in.
And I'm so glad I did.
After reconciling with Sister this year, she told me about the ongoing abuse she experienced in her marriage. During those moments when the Holy Spirit told me to call Sister, it was to help her in real life. But I refused, and the abuse continued.
In other words, I should have been there for her, because unbeknownst to me, she truly wanted me in her life.
Since January of this year, I've been able to extend help to Sister so she can rebuild her life ... just as I was able to do it years ago. I told her about my women's ministry and my program for single mothers. I told her about the Holy Spirit's crazy methods of coming through for me when no one else was there.
Lately, Sister and I have had several conversations that directly speak about God's goodness and protection. Today, she is working on buying a new house for her and her babies. She is developing plans for a new creative business. Sister is finding her confidence and voice again.
And with all the testimonies I've received from Beloveds who have been empowered by The Foundation, none compares to the joy I feel today after reconciling with my Sister.
And here's the lesson I want to teach you today, Beloved.
Relationships are so vital to the Holy Spirit. More than money, more than material objects ... He wants to see broken relationships restored.
At times, circumstances affect the way we feel about each other. But when opportunity presents itself, He asks us to make things right so His will gets accomplished.
And no, I am not speaking about mending abusive, violent relationships.
I am talking about relationships that have proven instrumental to your growth when all hell broke loose.
Too often, we place high value on monetary goods. We give 100% of our efforts towards our education or career or business.
But we invest NOTHING in our relationships, whether it's a marriage, a sisterhood, a brotherhood, or between parents and children. And this ought not be so.
Beloved, as we move forward in pushing this Kingdom message nationwide, I pray you also consider the relationships in your life. Husbands, love your wives. Wives, submit to your husbands. (Submission is simply quiet power wrapped in fire love.)
Parents, give attention to your children. Love them right now, and when you are older, they will take care of you.
Wherever possible, mend relationships with your siblings. If that is out of the question, then bless your siblings and send them off in peace. Don't harbor any ill-will towards them, because that prevents your own blessing from manifesting.
Today, choose the Kingdom and its principles over human pride and internal wounds. I know it's hard. I was in that position before.
But there is nothing more empowering than experiencing reconciliation and healing.
If we allow God's laws to have their way in our lives, we prove to others the values of His precepts, even as we bring the empowering message to communities.
This day, count these blessings. They are everywhere if we are willing to hear the Holy Spirit's voice and be obedient to God's laws.
If you've been blessed by this empowering teaching ...
Then be a blessing today with your contributions towards our Women's Ministry and Single Mothers Initiative.
Each month, we raise funds to fuel our mission and vision to empower Black women this next round.
Your donations help us provide grocery blessings to mothers in need AND ongoing training in business development.
Since launching this ministry in 2020, we've helped 15 single mothers create steps to rebuild their lives. We've donated thousands of dollars directly to mothers for grocery assistance.
We've partnered with women who are fighting against human trafficking.
And now we are working closely with a Black mother, who is on the front lines to stop violence in Black communities.
Beloved, these are your dollars at work. You see how much we've accomplished with just $15,000+.
Imagine what we will accomplish as we hit our $100,000 mark this year.
So, come be a blessing today. As always, the Law of Sowing and Reaping will work in your favor.
I'm ready to be a blessing!
"As middle-aged, white female conservative who loves Jesus, I think what you are doing is absolutely awesome! I think I'm finally beginning to get it; conservative/Republican outreach, or lack thereof, to the black community. Would love to help in other ways with outreach to the black community, if you will have me. I know I can at least donate."
- Anonymous Beloved Giver
"Felecia, I am so inspired by the work you do. The partnership with King Randall is awesome. Hopefully that link can work and would be a tremendous support for the young men. God is good and his movements are amazing. I am in the process of moving so am not active. I hope when I get settled in my home I am able to do something locally to help my people. Thank you for letting the Lord lead you."
- Anonymous Beloved Giver
"I am so glad I could help today. Please consider this small gift, in honor of my mother ... she would have loved this ... God bless 🙏🏻"
- Susan P
"Wow, this is such a great way to let your light shine ... I don't even have the words :)"
"I rarely give outside my core charities. This time there was no choice, I was compelled to donate with tears streaming down my face."
- Randall Tinfow
I'm ready to be a blessing!
About Felecia Killings