There is a story that seems true when the first person speaks; but when the other side is presented, it changes the game (Proverbs 18:17, paraphrased).
I remember the first time I came across this Scripture, the words leaped off the page. As I laid on my bed, reading this passage, an ease overshadowed me. Something powerful happens when you find yourself at rest when all hell is breaking loose. And while I sat there, knowing what I was up against, I knew with full confidence the Lord would one day vindicate me publicly.
Everyone has a story, and every story has another side to it. Nothing is ever as it seems. This is something I’ve come to learn over the last decade as I observed men and women walk in their calling while confronting scandalous stories designed to kill their impact.
The Scriptures are full of such stories, Adam being chief among them. From his descendants all the way down to today, God’s sons and daughters faced obstacles and challenges no human could withstand absent His presence.
I often wondered why some stories made it in the Scriptures and not others. Even today, I ask myself, “Why is THIS person’s life in the news? Why is THIS person going through something so heinous, publicly? Why THIS person?” While most people in the general public feed off gossip articles, I look at such stories and wonder, “What type of calling does that person have that would warrant such backlash and public humiliation?”
But that’s just how my mind works. I have a tendency to look at people from a different perspective. Most often, I am looking to see what God says concerning them. I’ve always been this way, even as a teacher to my scholars years ago. I’d often ask, “Who are these young ones, Holy Spirit, and what kind of purpose do they have?” And I wouldn’t ask such a question about the students who were “perfect.” I would inquire about the ones who were always in trouble. Something about them intrigued me, because they didn’t fit within the traditional confines of “social acceptance.”
Back then, my classes were full of the socially-unacceptable. My administrators flooded my classroom with the school’s “misfits” each year; and every year, some within this circle excelled. After I left the public school system, my former students testified that if it weren’t for my teachings, they wouldn’t have graduated. My former “misfits” are now college graduates, business owners, fathers, mothers, husbands and wives. For whatever reason, my presence gave them what they needed to strive for greater things; and their stories are my greatest rewards.
Today, I am no longer a teacher in the public school system by choice. My profession extends beyond the traditional classroom, and now I have “scholars” numbering in the thousands weekly. Since 2011, after my arrest and mainstream backlash, I decided to work for myself as a book publishing expert and writing coach. I had recently published my first memoir, Fear, Faith, and Patience: My Fight for Justice in an Injustice System; and I wanted to generate income from home, because I couldn’t stand being in the public.
Since that time, I noticed a similar pattern related to my online profession: My business attracted people with crazy, scandalous stories — people who, if you knew their life’s tale, would be considered “socially unacceptable.” I’m talking about ministry leaders, upcoming authors, sexually-abused victims, and more. These individuals wanted to learn how to tell their stories in book format so they could help empower others.
And again, I had to ask myself, “Who are these people, Holy Spirit, and what kind of purpose do they have? Why are You drawing them to me, and what am I to do with them once they are here?”
To this day, I continue to draw such a crowd, and what these “misfits” have to offer is something truly miraculous. Their stories are exactly what we need to see revival and reformation in our communities and our nation…
…if they are bold enough to tell it.
There are moments in our lives, Beloved, when we each come face-to-face with our personal “crucifixion” — that moment when we experience an emotional, mental, or spiritual “death.” I teach this same lesson to my clients; but I show them that their story is exactly what they need to tell if they purpose to be great.
When my authors struggle to identify the exact story they wish to publish, I tell them, “Give me the story that killed you. Tell us the story that led to your eventual resurrection. This story will be the crux of your entire ministry, and it will draw the right audience to your platform.”
Every leader — every influential voice — will experience their version of a public “crucifixion” at some point. This “execution” will test their resolve. It will also determine the volume of their public influence.
If you are called to national leadership, your public “crucifixion” is that moment when you die to yourself and are completely resurrected into a new person. It is the moment when you are birthed into the EXACT purpose for which you have been created.
To the public, you will be a menace, a misfit, a disgrace. They will mock you, ridicule you, and condemn you; and don’t think for once you will find refuge inside the church walls. Christians will be the very ones at your “trial,” screaming, “Crucify him! Crucify him!”
This “crucifixion” will cause you to ask, “Father, why have you forsaken me?” And just when you think you can’t take anymore, you will experience a type of “public death,” which many will describe as your ultimate demise.
Everyone who is a leader — everyone who is called to guide others — will experience a type of personal “crucifixion.” But to YahWeh, that never signifies the end. To Him, this is a part of the journey that makes way for resurrection power. To YahWeh, this is the battlefield that trains one for greatness.
When Yeshua walked the earth, His purpose was to “destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3:8). He didn’t come to bring peace but a sword (Matthew 10:34). He came to reconcile us back to God. This purpose was completed via a crucifixion, a symbol of one who became a curse for us so that we could be rescued from the Law’s curse (death) (Galatians 3:13). Yeshua is the prime example of what it means to be a Son of God, one who is fully conscious of His place in God’s Kingdom and in the world.
While man looks at Yeshua’s ministry as a complete failure, one deserving of death, YahWeh has given Him a name and position that is above all names. Yeshua could not achieve such status UNLESS He endured the cross.
My dearest Beloved, this is how God works; and when you look at Scriptures, you will see a similar pattern among His leaders. God has not changed, and in this hour, He is beckoning those who feel trapped in their scandalous stories, urging them to come forth so He can manifest His greatness through them.
My story is simply a modern sign and wonder, highlighting the ways in which God works today; and I’m honored to share it with you.
My story is a testament of what occurs when a person says “yes” to God’s calling. I did not discover this purpose after my scandalous story. I knew of my purpose when I was a pre-teen, and YahWeh established it before I was formed in my mother’s womb.
If you’re reading this book, more than likely you’ve come across my virtual ministry on social media or you’ve read past articles about a criminal case I encountered back in 2010. You may have asked yourself, “What happened to her, and why does she have a platform after all that mess?” This is a question I know so many people have, especially the ones inside the Body of Christ. But as you will learn and witness, when it comes to this end-time revival and national reformation, YahWeh will use the “least of these” to accomplish His greatest feats.
Storytelling is powerful, and as I share with my clients, the sole purpose of one’s story is to bring deliverance, healing, empowerment, or restoration to the reader. I intend to do the same with this memoir; and I pray that by the end of this work, you will have the confidence to walk boldly in your calling, regardless of your scandalous story.
Unlike my first memoir, I fashioned this one in an unconventional way. During the latter part of what I call my “7 year tribulation” (2010-2017), I came across one of Napoleon Hill’s books, Outwitting the Devil. I had read previous works from him, but it was something about this book that stood out.
In the text, Hill engages in an intense dialogue with the Devil. His purpose was to force the Devil to reveal the reasons why mankind suffers. This exchange, whether a figment of his imagination or a spiritual visitation, gave Hill what he needed to help men and women overcome their hardships. (I encourage you to read the book for yourself, Beloved, for it contains golden nuggets.)
I bring Hill’s book to the forefront because I’ve chosen to frame my memoir using the same format. Rather than constructing the story from a chronological order, I’m telling my truth as if I’m engaged in a dialogue with someone, a person I can trust with my story.
Quite often, when working with my clients — most of whom have worse stories than mine — I teach them, “Don’t force yourself to tell portions of your story to the public that will put you back in bondage. Tell us your story in a way that makes you comfortable, a way that brings you healing just as you want healing for your readers.” This coaching strategy has worked; and some of my clients have gone on to use their published books as the bedrock for their ministries. As with their stories, I apply the same coaching technique to mine.
Within this book, I structure my story using interview questions that people have asked me over the years. I imagine you, Beloved, would ask similar questions, so you may find yourself sitting as the “interviewer” in this memoir. This format is easier for me to tell the truth, because it provides context to my criminal case. I’m not venturing into the dark memories, inch by inch, which would actually trigger the depression, anxiety, and fear of death I once walked in. This leads me to another point you must understand about me, Beloved.
Every person who has been through a traumatic moment processes that trauma differently. Some people venture into the darkness, never to be seen again; some commit suicide; some resort to abject criminal behavior. In my case, I handle trauma by forgetting it. (My father can attest to this.) I literally black moments or details out from my memory, because my mind cannot handle such darkness while trying to create a new way of life. In fact, if it were not for the Internet, I would blackout the entire arrest experience, literally forgetting it happened altogether.
This coping mechanism is how I heal and why I’ve been able to make a comeback as I did. Having strong mental power is vital; and for me, the only way I can experience greatness is when my mind is consumed with higher things.
So, as you read my memoir, you may find yourself wanting to know more details or wanting to ask more questions. But the fact is, I cannot recount many details. I can recall the feelings I had in those moments. I can remember broad details, which can be verified by court documents. But truthfully speaking, if there was no Internet, I would never recall the experience. Joseph, in the book of Genesis, had a similar testimony: “Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, ‘It is because God has made me forget all my trouble’” (Genesis 41:51).
Forgetfulness is a powerful tool, and it’s one I use so I can move forward. For me, such force coincides with forgiveness; and that’s a spiritual principle I’ve had to exercise over the years.
I say that to say this: What you read, Beloved, is all you’ll get as it relates to my story. Nothing more and nothing less. My memoir is not something I write to garner more support, to garner sympathy, or to solicit your pity. This isn’t my defense publication, begging you to believe me or my truth. Honestly speaking, I don’t care if people believe me or not, because YahWeh has already defended and vindicated me. I rest in knowing that; and I want to encourage you, Beloved, to rest in knowing who you are — your true self — and not the person people want you to be.
I can tell my story today because it comes from a place of healing, empowerment, and love, not one of defense. If I told the story years ago, it would be riddled with anger and bitterness. It would be impossible to empower you if my mind was filled with darkness. This is important to know.
As with everything I publish today, my heart’s desire is to equip people for their own work of ministry or business. This memoir is no different. I am not simply a teacher by trade, but one by calling; and every chance I have to minister to someone, I will do so, even as it pertains to my story. When I can empower you, I am empowered myself.
As I mentioned prior, I framed my memoir as if I’m in an interview with someone. While the interviewer and the setting are fictional, my responses are truth-based and can be verified through in-depth research (on your part, should you decide to look).
By the end of the memoir, if there’s one thing you learn from me, let it be this: A person’s story is never as it seems; therefore purpose within yourself to see other people through the eyes of the Spirit. If you can master this principle, I guarantee YahWeh will trust you with greater works.
I send many blessings to you, My Beloved.
And as always, let’s grow together!
Everyone has a story, and every story has another side to it. Nothing is ever as it seems. This is something I’ve come to learn over the last decade as I observed men and women walk in their calling while confronting scandalous stories designed to kill their impact.
The Scriptures are full of such stories, Adam being chief among them. From his descendants all the way down to today, God’s sons and daughters faced obstacles and challenges no human could withstand absent His presence.
I often wondered why some stories made it in the Scriptures and not others. Even today, I ask myself, “Why is THIS person’s life in the news? Why is THIS person going through something so heinous, publicly? Why THIS person?” While most people in the general public feed off gossip articles, I look at such stories and wonder, “What type of calling does that person have that would warrant such backlash and public humiliation?”
But that’s just how my mind works. I have a tendency to look at people from a different perspective. Most often, I am looking to see what God says concerning them. I’ve always been this way, even as a teacher to my scholars years ago. I’d often ask, “Who are these young ones, Holy Spirit, and what kind of purpose do they have?” And I wouldn’t ask such a question about the students who were “perfect.” I would inquire about the ones who were always in trouble. Something about them intrigued me, because they didn’t fit within the traditional confines of “social acceptance.”
Back then, my classes were full of the socially-unacceptable. My administrators flooded my classroom with the school’s “misfits” each year; and every year, some within this circle excelled. After I left the public school system, my former students testified that if it weren’t for my teachings, they wouldn’t have graduated. My former “misfits” are now college graduates, business owners, fathers, mothers, husbands and wives. For whatever reason, my presence gave them what they needed to strive for greater things; and their stories are my greatest rewards.
Today, I am no longer a teacher in the public school system by choice. My profession extends beyond the traditional classroom, and now I have “scholars” numbering in the thousands weekly. Since 2011, after my arrest and mainstream backlash, I decided to work for myself as a book publishing expert and writing coach. I had recently published my first memoir, Fear, Faith, and Patience: My Fight for Justice in an Injustice System; and I wanted to generate income from home, because I couldn’t stand being in the public.
Since that time, I noticed a similar pattern related to my online profession: My business attracted people with crazy, scandalous stories — people who, if you knew their life’s tale, would be considered “socially unacceptable.” I’m talking about ministry leaders, upcoming authors, sexually-abused victims, and more. These individuals wanted to learn how to tell their stories in book format so they could help empower others.
And again, I had to ask myself, “Who are these people, Holy Spirit, and what kind of purpose do they have? Why are You drawing them to me, and what am I to do with them once they are here?”
To this day, I continue to draw such a crowd, and what these “misfits” have to offer is something truly miraculous. Their stories are exactly what we need to see revival and reformation in our communities and our nation…
…if they are bold enough to tell it.
There are moments in our lives, Beloved, when we each come face-to-face with our personal “crucifixion” — that moment when we experience an emotional, mental, or spiritual “death.” I teach this same lesson to my clients; but I show them that their story is exactly what they need to tell if they purpose to be great.
When my authors struggle to identify the exact story they wish to publish, I tell them, “Give me the story that killed you. Tell us the story that led to your eventual resurrection. This story will be the crux of your entire ministry, and it will draw the right audience to your platform.”
Every leader — every influential voice — will experience their version of a public “crucifixion” at some point. This “execution” will test their resolve. It will also determine the volume of their public influence.
If you are called to national leadership, your public “crucifixion” is that moment when you die to yourself and are completely resurrected into a new person. It is the moment when you are birthed into the EXACT purpose for which you have been created.
To the public, you will be a menace, a misfit, a disgrace. They will mock you, ridicule you, and condemn you; and don’t think for once you will find refuge inside the church walls. Christians will be the very ones at your “trial,” screaming, “Crucify him! Crucify him!”
This “crucifixion” will cause you to ask, “Father, why have you forsaken me?” And just when you think you can’t take anymore, you will experience a type of “public death,” which many will describe as your ultimate demise.
Everyone who is a leader — everyone who is called to guide others — will experience a type of personal “crucifixion.” But to YahWeh, that never signifies the end. To Him, this is a part of the journey that makes way for resurrection power. To YahWeh, this is the battlefield that trains one for greatness.
When Yeshua walked the earth, His purpose was to “destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3:8). He didn’t come to bring peace but a sword (Matthew 10:34). He came to reconcile us back to God. This purpose was completed via a crucifixion, a symbol of one who became a curse for us so that we could be rescued from the Law’s curse (death) (Galatians 3:13). Yeshua is the prime example of what it means to be a Son of God, one who is fully conscious of His place in God’s Kingdom and in the world.
While man looks at Yeshua’s ministry as a complete failure, one deserving of death, YahWeh has given Him a name and position that is above all names. Yeshua could not achieve such status UNLESS He endured the cross.
My dearest Beloved, this is how God works; and when you look at Scriptures, you will see a similar pattern among His leaders. God has not changed, and in this hour, He is beckoning those who feel trapped in their scandalous stories, urging them to come forth so He can manifest His greatness through them.
My story is simply a modern sign and wonder, highlighting the ways in which God works today; and I’m honored to share it with you.
My story is a testament of what occurs when a person says “yes” to God’s calling. I did not discover this purpose after my scandalous story. I knew of my purpose when I was a pre-teen, and YahWeh established it before I was formed in my mother’s womb.
If you’re reading this book, more than likely you’ve come across my virtual ministry on social media or you’ve read past articles about a criminal case I encountered back in 2010. You may have asked yourself, “What happened to her, and why does she have a platform after all that mess?” This is a question I know so many people have, especially the ones inside the Body of Christ. But as you will learn and witness, when it comes to this end-time revival and national reformation, YahWeh will use the “least of these” to accomplish His greatest feats.
Storytelling is powerful, and as I share with my clients, the sole purpose of one’s story is to bring deliverance, healing, empowerment, or restoration to the reader. I intend to do the same with this memoir; and I pray that by the end of this work, you will have the confidence to walk boldly in your calling, regardless of your scandalous story.
Unlike my first memoir, I fashioned this one in an unconventional way. During the latter part of what I call my “7 year tribulation” (2010-2017), I came across one of Napoleon Hill’s books, Outwitting the Devil. I had read previous works from him, but it was something about this book that stood out.
In the text, Hill engages in an intense dialogue with the Devil. His purpose was to force the Devil to reveal the reasons why mankind suffers. This exchange, whether a figment of his imagination or a spiritual visitation, gave Hill what he needed to help men and women overcome their hardships. (I encourage you to read the book for yourself, Beloved, for it contains golden nuggets.)
I bring Hill’s book to the forefront because I’ve chosen to frame my memoir using the same format. Rather than constructing the story from a chronological order, I’m telling my truth as if I’m engaged in a dialogue with someone, a person I can trust with my story.
Quite often, when working with my clients — most of whom have worse stories than mine — I teach them, “Don’t force yourself to tell portions of your story to the public that will put you back in bondage. Tell us your story in a way that makes you comfortable, a way that brings you healing just as you want healing for your readers.” This coaching strategy has worked; and some of my clients have gone on to use their published books as the bedrock for their ministries. As with their stories, I apply the same coaching technique to mine.
Within this book, I structure my story using interview questions that people have asked me over the years. I imagine you, Beloved, would ask similar questions, so you may find yourself sitting as the “interviewer” in this memoir. This format is easier for me to tell the truth, because it provides context to my criminal case. I’m not venturing into the dark memories, inch by inch, which would actually trigger the depression, anxiety, and fear of death I once walked in. This leads me to another point you must understand about me, Beloved.
Every person who has been through a traumatic moment processes that trauma differently. Some people venture into the darkness, never to be seen again; some commit suicide; some resort to abject criminal behavior. In my case, I handle trauma by forgetting it. (My father can attest to this.) I literally black moments or details out from my memory, because my mind cannot handle such darkness while trying to create a new way of life. In fact, if it were not for the Internet, I would blackout the entire arrest experience, literally forgetting it happened altogether.
This coping mechanism is how I heal and why I’ve been able to make a comeback as I did. Having strong mental power is vital; and for me, the only way I can experience greatness is when my mind is consumed with higher things.
So, as you read my memoir, you may find yourself wanting to know more details or wanting to ask more questions. But the fact is, I cannot recount many details. I can recall the feelings I had in those moments. I can remember broad details, which can be verified by court documents. But truthfully speaking, if there was no Internet, I would never recall the experience. Joseph, in the book of Genesis, had a similar testimony: “Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, ‘It is because God has made me forget all my trouble’” (Genesis 41:51).
Forgetfulness is a powerful tool, and it’s one I use so I can move forward. For me, such force coincides with forgiveness; and that’s a spiritual principle I’ve had to exercise over the years.
I say that to say this: What you read, Beloved, is all you’ll get as it relates to my story. Nothing more and nothing less. My memoir is not something I write to garner more support, to garner sympathy, or to solicit your pity. This isn’t my defense publication, begging you to believe me or my truth. Honestly speaking, I don’t care if people believe me or not, because YahWeh has already defended and vindicated me. I rest in knowing that; and I want to encourage you, Beloved, to rest in knowing who you are — your true self — and not the person people want you to be.
I can tell my story today because it comes from a place of healing, empowerment, and love, not one of defense. If I told the story years ago, it would be riddled with anger and bitterness. It would be impossible to empower you if my mind was filled with darkness. This is important to know.
As with everything I publish today, my heart’s desire is to equip people for their own work of ministry or business. This memoir is no different. I am not simply a teacher by trade, but one by calling; and every chance I have to minister to someone, I will do so, even as it pertains to my story. When I can empower you, I am empowered myself.
As I mentioned prior, I framed my memoir as if I’m in an interview with someone. While the interviewer and the setting are fictional, my responses are truth-based and can be verified through in-depth research (on your part, should you decide to look).
By the end of the memoir, if there’s one thing you learn from me, let it be this: A person’s story is never as it seems; therefore purpose within yourself to see other people through the eyes of the Spirit. If you can master this principle, I guarantee YahWeh will trust you with greater works.
I send many blessings to you, My Beloved.
And as always, let’s grow together!
Order To My Beloveds: A Memoir of My Personal Comeback in the Aftermath of My Scandalous Story Today
