COACH FELECIA KILLINGS
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The Foundation's Leadership Guides

Empowering lessons that teach rising leaders about the 10 spiritual laws of Conscious Conservatism and how to use them in the social, political, and economic spheres

5 Methods that Help New Leaders Handle Unsupportive Family Members and Friends

5/17/2024

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Establishing Thought Leadership means accepting all the challenges that come with the territory. And sometimes that requires a separation between you and family members as you pursue your purpose." - Coach Felecia Killings

Greetings Beloved,

​I have been on this entrepreneurial journey for several years now. My political work now spans 7+ years.

It certainly wasn’t something I wanted to do. Growing up, we were a traditional, middle-class Black family who relied on our education to help us secure solid work.

Middle-class upbringing was the norm; and as such, it seemed only fitting that I carry on this economic tradition that has worked for so many decades.

After enduring my long battle with the courts, I found myself trapped between my love for teaching and my fear of re-entering the public school system. I needed work, though, especially because I had a daughter to raise on my own after my failed marriage. But the publicity surrounding my case made it difficult for me to acquire or maintain even the simplest teaching positions.

My family and friends “encouraged” me to continue putting myself out there to find “real work.” Some family members repeatedly told me, “All you need is one yes.” But with each rejection, I grew frustrated while my resources depleted. I realized in that moment I had spent so much energy trying to ask other people for permission to be great when all I needed to do was give myself that permission.
So, I began exploring other options. I tapped into the online space and discovered a new way of generating income, one that allowed me to fulfill my heart’s desire while also being at home with my daughter. I read the latest stories from professional bloggers, writers, and entrepreneurs who taught me about the power of the virtual world. I was intrigued by their transparent income reports, which proved that a person could make as much money as she wanted by building an online business.

And that’s when I made a decision that, to this day, bothers some family members: I chose to pursue my purpose and new dream, which happened to focus on dominating the online space with my God-focused mission. And in 2016, I left my Bay Area home, moved to Sacramento where I knew no one, and began building my online empire, one digital brick at a time.

Several years later, I’m still on that journey; and despite the success (and challenges) I encountered, I still have family members who mock or downplay me for my choice.

In this Empowering Guide, I will teach you how I handled their doubt while remaining steadfast in my purpose. And if you take heed to this teaching, it will empower you to press onward as you establish your thought leadership in the social, political, or economic spheres.

Never Underestimate a Mindset Shift

Creating a new life for me and my daughter required a complete shift in the way I thought. Growing up, I assumed there was only one pathway to success:

  • Step 1: Go to school.
  • Step 2: Perform well.
  • Step 3: Attend college and graduate with honors.
  • Step 4: Find a great job, stay with it for decades, and retire.
  • Step 5: Die and go to Heaven.

…in that order.

I followed most of the script with precision. (I stopped at Step 4, of course.)

But the script didn’t teach me how to fight for myself. It didn’t teach me how to deal with the legal system. It didn’t teach me how to handle people who wanted to destroy my livelihood.

The script didn’t give me the blueprint on what to do when all hell breaks loose. It didn’t tell me how to bounce back from media scrutiny and backlash. The script didn’t cover the unexpected.

And because of this, I remained lost for the better part of five years after my public hardship. I was confused, frustrated and bitter, wondering why things had not gone according to my plans.

Yet, it was also during this time that I discovered how little I knew about God and His ways. I like how Job said it: “I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes” (Job 42:5). Before Job had endured his public shame, he knew of God as the one who created the Heavens and blessed him on earth. But it wasn’t until AFTER his hardship that he truly knew God as sovereign.

I can relate.

There’s something about hitting rock bottom that causes you to discover the width, length, height, and depth of God. You learn about His nature and ways; and in my case, He revealed Himself as my Defense and Reward.

This new “discovery,” for lack of better words, also produced a new mindset for me, one that believed for greater works. I began asking myself questions like:
  • Why worry over the destruction of my previous career, which only helped a couple thousand students, when my lessons and teachings could reach millions?
  • Why become downtrodden because I no longer generate $60,000/year when I could position myself to earn that much in one week?
  • Why limit myself to the Bay Area when I can have influence at the highest seat of power in the land?

Suddenly, my temporary stint with destruction didn’t seem so bleak; and I began to see a new vision, one of which you now take part. This mindset put me on a path that some folks within my family still cannot understand. Therefore, they mock it.

Millionaire Thinkers and Visionaries Focus on Long-Term Results.

For many people who begin life at the socioeconomic bottom, working one’s way to the top is admirable. In fact, we love hearing stories like these, because it gives other people the courage to pursue their dreams.

But when you begin “in privilege” as I did, the expectation is you will remain at this place, no matter what life throws your way. I once believed this theory, until life punched me in the gut; and it didn’t help that along this journey of rebuilding, many in my family weren't so supportive.

I can’t tell you how often some members spoke about my situation with disdain and disgust, never inquiring about the work I actually did or the journey I was on.

Most times, I receive criticism like:
  • “You need to listen and do what I tell you to do, Felecia.”
  • “I don’t agree with what you’re doing.” 
  • “You’re an unstable mother, constantly moving from house to house.” 

Little did they know, each experience I encountered helped shape new ideas that proved profitable to my business’s growth and popularity.

Your Provision will Come from the Most Unlikely Sources

For the longest time, I struggled with my family not supporting me this entire journey. I asked myself questions like, “Why isn’t this person celebrating my virtual ministry the way I celebrated her work?” Or “Why is this family member treating me with contempt when I was there for her when our community knew about her issues?” It was hard to conceptualize, and I will even admit, it stirred a bit of anger and animosity within me.

After dealing with this for a few years, I realized something profound: Oftentimes, we believe the ones we helped along the way are the same ones who will help us when we’re down. But that’s not how things work.

When you’re doing well for others, you cause the spiritual Law of Sowing and Reaping to work in your favor. God never tells us when or through whom our harvest will come; but He never fails to deliver what we need, often causing other people — whom we’ve never helped — to give into our bosom. (See Luke 6:38.)

I remember sharing this same idea with my kindred sister, Shemica. Years ago, she was hit hard by the Recession. She lost everything, and it took her many years to recover. When we first met, she and I were on this journey of recovery. Our spirits were instantly connected, and we often shared stories that related to one another.

Like me, while she tried to bounce back from her financial trouble, family members looked down on her because “she wouldn’t do what they said” to get back on her feet. She had a dream of using her gifts, talents, and education to work as a career counselor to folks; and yet she was struggling with her pathway, which her family and friends did not hesitate to highlight.

Not only that, but she had a desire to find a mate who would love her; and eventually, she wanted to become a mother. In the three years we’ve known each other, we both watched as our family members confronted our passion and purpose with disdain and doubt. Again, this proved even more difficult to handle mentally, because when our family members were in trouble, we were there for them.

Our Hardships Produced New Ideas to Empower Women Like Us

As Shemica and I continued along our journey, we decided to work together. We pulled our resources, as limited as they were. We found a house where we could rent out separate rooms at reasonable, monthly rates. And we quickly began building community with other single women and single mothers in the neighborhood. Before long, we both realized our stories were similar to other folks.

In many cases, the women we connected with had a desire and passion to write and publish their stories. As a book publishing expert, my work proved valuable to this network. Before long, I began acquiring new contracts from this community, not to mention I had a group of women who assisted me with raising Aaliyah.

In essence, I created a new family for myself, one that valued my intellect and expertise. I could freely share my life and story with this new, tiny community; and it was liberating. At a time when I had nothing — no job, no home, no car, just a couple thousand dollars in my account — I formed what became the catalyst for my online business and ministry.

Ironically, this was at the same time I completely disassociated myself from my blood family, who despised my new direction. And as hard as it was for me to do that, it was also necessary for my mental health and well-being.

Here’s How I Dealt with Family and Friends Who Didn’t Support My Mission

Quite often, when we look to pursue our passion and purpose, we want approval from the folks who helped us get our start. My family was crucial to my early development. They celebrated my accomplishments as an educator and college graduate. They loved when I brought home those checks. Life was “easier” and much more predictable back then.

Yet, at the same time, I was not functioning fully in my purpose. I was doing what other people wanted me to do. I was focused on other people’s opinions about my decisions. In many cases, I was unhappy with myself, because I knew there was more.

So, I made the choice to leave everything: father, mother, sister, former in-laws, and others. I cut the cord and determined I would make this dream of mine a reality. I didn’t want to force myself to be in another classroom where another student could harm me. I didn’t want to deal with the oppressive school system. I wanted nothing to do with that world.

I wanted to write, to teach, to empower, and to start my own programs. I wanted my own books, my online reputation reclaimed, and my name appearing before kings.

In truth, I wanted more than what I had prior to my public hardship (my court case); and the only way I could achieve it was to forsake all for the call and the vision.

Here’s How You Can Deal with People Who Doubt Your Purpose

Going through those challenging moments helped me realize there are lessons to share with Beloveds like you. If you're currently dealing with family members who don't support your vision and mission, here's how you can handle it.
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  1. Decide today whether your passion and purpose are worth leaving everything and everyone. I don’t mean abandoning your responsibilities, especially if you are a spouse and parent; but I do mean determining if your dream is worth it. Quite often, life will test you to see how much you truly believe in YOURSELF! Do you believe you can achieve what you envision? Do you believe you can have whatever you demand of life? If so, then understand you must be willing to pay the price that’s required to make life give you what you deserve.
  2. Be willing to cut off every weight that easily besets you. Sometimes, this means leaving the people who are causing you to doubt your passion. This means refraining from speaking to certain people about your dreams and visions. In my case, the family members who speak the most ill about me are also the ones who know nothing of who I am today or what I have accomplished. They don’t know that I’ve published several books. They don’t know that I have clients who are now new ministers and business leaders. They don’t know that my messages reach millions of people each year. They don’t even know that celebrities and politicians circulate my name. While I would love for them to celebrate my accomplishments, they simply would never value it, because my life still does not appear to be what they consider “successful.” Some months, I’m living THAT life, and other months, it’s extremely difficult. But I am obtaining my goals, little by little. Therefore, because doubtful family members are a weight that easily besets me, I cut them off until the time comes for reconciliation.
  3. Understand that 99% of the people in your original circle won’t appreciate your dream because it intimidates them. Listen, I’m still realizing this myself. When my family makes snide remarks to me, it’s not because I’m failing but because I was willing to sacrifice everything for what I believe. That takes a great deal of courage, which most people do not have. While these family members remain stuck in their own limited mindset, I’m meeting new people, establishing powerful relationships, networking with millionaires, collaborating with famous conservative influencers, and helping people use their stories to empower others. I’ve taken the leap to move across the country, to meet new people, and to expand my business in the nation’s Black Mecca of Excellence. I'm learning how to generate my first million dollars doing what I love (teaching), because more wealth in my hand means I can service more people via my political mission. I adopted the motto, “slow and steady wins the race.” This millionaire mindset is not something my family is used to, and I don’t shame them for it. But because I think this way, naturally it makes it challenging to connect with those who do not.
  4. Find fellow kindred fires. Our mindset has a way of attracting the people who will help us thrive. On Twitter, for example, my political content has reached the heights of Washington D.C. Certain Hollywood celebrities within the conservative movement know my name and my materials. Within a 12-month span, I’ve developed a network of powerful influencers who are business men and women, ministers, Congressional candidates, and millionaires. I created a body of kindred fires who have the same mindset, passion, and abilities as me. Likewise, you will meet new people who have the same spirit and fire as you do. They will become your spiritual family. Learn to embrace them as they help you build.
  5. Finally, encourage yourself…everyday. Take inventory of your small accomplishments. For example, if you were one of my clients, I would tell you to celebrate writing your book’s first chapter. Or I would tell you to celebrate your first book sale. Be willing to encourage yourself along the way, because it’s not easy doing what we do.

In Conclusion…

Always remember, you will never satisfy everyone. You’re only responsible for honoring the One who called you and the social empire God entrusted to your care.

This is a lesson I remind myself daily, because with each new level I encounter, the old criticism from certain family members emerges. If I allow their unsolicited remarks to seep into my mind, it will affect my heart and my work. So, I cut it off immediately until such time when I am able to be in their presence.

I’m incredibly focused on my work, and you should be, too. 

​​Beloved, in this new era, I want to teach you how to tap into your God-given abilities so you thrive as one of His leaders in the earth.

Whether your vision focuses on the social, political, or economic spheres, you can fulfill God's calling on your life when you have the right spiritual and practical training to make it a reality.

​Today, I invite you to join our growing rank of leaders who are learning to do things God's way so we get His results.

Your training is crucial to this development, and at The Felecia Killings Foundation, we've crafted a dynamic leadership program and event just for you.

Register for Our Bi-Annual CCM Leadership Convention | Build Your Thought Leadership in the Social, Political, or Economic Sphere

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Join Coach Felecia Killings and her guest speakers for our annual 3-day event hosted in Atlanta, GA. 

Sponsored by The Felecia Killings Foundation, The CCM Leadership Convention will help rising leaders like you establish powerful thought leadership in the social, political, and economic spheres.

During our intensive training, you will learn key principles that will help you bring your ideas to the national forefront. Event topics include:

  • Learning key strategies for effective leadership based on Kingdom laws and spiritual principles;
  • Learning how to bring your voice, your message, and your mission to the national forefront;
  • Networking with key leaders in your industry;
  • Accessing independent and mainstream media outlets to deliver your empowering message;
  • Improving your public speaking skills so your messages are conveyed clearly and succinctly in media;
  • Identifying key social, political, and economic issues and creating effective, solutions;
  • Packaging your solutions in book format so you build credibility and authority in your industry;
  • And so much more!

Don't miss this exciting time to receive our in-person training.

​Our Convention Schedule

Day 1 — Establishing Powerful Thought Leadership in the Social, Political, or Economic Spheres

  • 9:00 am - 10:00 am: Guiding Principles for Effective Leadership
  • 10:10 am - 11:30 am: Identifying and Clarifying Your Vision and Mission
  • 11:40 am - 12:40 pm: Identifying and Clarifying Your Core Message
  • 12:40 pm - 1:15 pm: Lunch and Fellowship
  • 1:20 pm - 3:00 pm: Understanding Social Media, Building an Online Movement, and Creating Your Content Creation Machine
  • 3:15 pm - 4:30 pm: Creating Your Ideal Audience and Curating Solutions 
  • 4:30 pm - 5:00 pm: Convention Homework Assignment (Preparation for Day 2)

Day 2 — Packaging Your Thought Leadership in Books

  • 9:00 am - 10:00 am: Group Discussion
  • 10:10 am - 11:30 am: Understanding the Principles of Book Publishing
  • 11:40 am - 12:40 pm: Understanding the Science of Effective Storytelling
  • 12:40 pm - 1:15 pm: Lunch and Fellowship
  • 1:20 pm - 4:20 pm: Writing Workshop (Developing Your Story and Book)
  • 4:30 pm - 5:00 pm: Convention Homework Assignment (Preparation for Day 3)

Day 3 — Packaging Your Thought Leadership in Online Courses and Coaching Programs

  • 9:00 am - 10:00 am: Group Discussion
  • 10:10 am - 12:30 pm: How to Monetize Your Thought Leadership Using Coaching Programs and Online Courses
  • 12:30 pm - 1:15 pm: Convention Feedback, Evaluations, and Extended Training
  • 5:00 pm - 10:00 pm: The Great Debate on Twitter/X

Register Today!
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    Author

    Felecia Killings is the Founder and CEO of The Felecia Killings Foundation, a Conscious Conservative think tank and leadership organization that trains rising leaders for full activation in the social, political, and economic spheres. Through her training hosted on her website, her podcast, her leadership network, her social media platforms, her books, and her annual leadership convention, she equips leaders with spiritual and practical tools that help them bring revival and reformation to the communities they serve.

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The Felecia Killings Foundation is a Conscious Conservative think tank and leadership organization. Through our research, publications, and outreach, we teach rising leaders how to activate their thought leadership in the social, political, and economic spheres.

The Conscious Conservative Movement is a branch of our organization, which helps bridge the gap between conservative politics and Black voters. Through our national work, we teach Black Americans how to access the Republican apparatus while also selling principled-based Conservative candidates who will serve on their behalf at the local, state, and federal level.

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We compile our findings in annual publications (The Conscious Conservative Collection) that help inform Conservative Leaders on how best to make political inroads with Black voters.

Our publications then serve as marketing tools that help our CCM Leaders deliver FREE online community workshops that teach Black voters how to access conservative politics that protect what they build.

The Felecia Killings Foundation, in compliance with regulations, functions as a for-profit organization that allows us the freedom to fulfill our God-given vision and mission. A significant portion of all profits covers salaries, research, publication fees, travel, online and offline outreach, and more. As a token of our appreciation for your financial support, you will receive new rewards as a Beloved Giver.
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